Dear Aunt Flo,

I hate you. I normally don't mind you so much. You have given me peace of mind, whereas the absence of you causes fear that I may fail a certain exam involving urine. You have forgotten me when it comes to cramps and bloating. In fact, most of the time I hardly even know you are hanging around (which is the way an uninvited house guest ought to behave). But you have really done it this time.

I woke up today to find you knocking at my door. I hoped you would wait longer, but you found your way in. And my husband will be home tomorrow night. Of course you have complete disregard for any special plans we may have had to celebrate his arrival. I TOLD YOU he would be home soon. I asked you to plan for later. Don't you care how I feel?

Being around you has made me totally uncomfortable, and you need to leave now.