Tik Tok (ps: sooooo NOT a Ke$ha fan)

Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a state of limbo, and almost like there is this clock ticking for something. I'm just trying hard to figure out what. It feels sort of like it has to do with leaving Okinawa, but I may just be attaching the feeling to anything to make sense out of it. Brian has a few options that would cause us to move. But either of those options would keep us here for at least another year.

I do like it here a lot; There is just that subconscious clock ticking, and whatever it's for I want to make sure that I am doing the most I can with my time. I want to get as much education as I can, make my family as happy as they can be, and serve the Lord in whatever way he needs me to. I feel like there is so much to do, and it's hard to do everything while we are living in Okinawa. I'm sure I'll figure it out. I've just never been one to wait very long. Maybe it's a test.

Well today I had to do SOMETHING. I'm getting really bored and it's hard to wait...Seriously, I don't think I really got the feeling across very well. It's just this really strong urge to get things done before time is up. So today, I rearranged all the bedrooms to keep myself distracted. Bella hasn't been going to bed right away lately. She turns on a movie, takes out all her toys, and plays dress up with her clothes. This is what her room looked like today (and actually right now, but after everything else I've done this afternoon, I need to save one project for tomorrow):

Except there was a bed in the corner on the right, but I didn't think to take before and after pics until I had already moved it into the other room. So all I have are afters:

 Hard to see, sorry. She was playing with the blinds before she finally decided to take her nap, and I didn't want to mess with the lighting because I was worried she would wake up. That TV in the corner doesn't work at the moment, and I will be getting rid of it. I just ran out of strength to get it out of the room. And on the other side:

Leo's playpen has been strategically placed in front of the closet so she won't try to pull everything out. That's our junk closet, and I really don't want to see what kind of disaster she can mix up with whatever is in there.

I also rearranged the master bedroom:

Little People Big World marathon!

It has been getting really hot at night, so I moved our bed under the a/c, which meant I had to move the dresser across the room so it would all flow together nicely. The dresser was by the bathroom door (where the nightstand and laundry baskets are now) and the bed was centered against the cement wall you can see in the top photo. Excuse the fact that the blue/brown pillows don't really match the comforter all that well. I bought the blue/brown bedset like 2 months ago and then found that white one last week and fell in love with it. But I knew Brian would be upset about it, so I thought of him and didn't buy new pillowcases or the matching throw pillows right away :)

I don't know what else to do at this moment. I thought about signing up for another class, but Bella has soccer coming up next month. I don't know how much of my time that will take, and I don't want either thing to be neglected in the slightest. It's hard for me to multitask because I like to give my all completely to a project. It needs to be one big thing at a time.

So I'll wait, maybe rearrange more furniture. Or get all creative and artistic and start taking pictures of random objects to hang on my walls. I do have FIVE photo shoots coming up between now and the end of July. I'm sure that will keep me pretty busy.

mmmmmm dooooughnuuuuts

Muskrat Baby

Bella and I always have the most interesting conversations at the breakfast table. Today's went like this:

Bella: "Mommy, why are you dressed like a muskrat?"
Me: *blank stare* ???

In case you have never seen one before, this is what a muskrat wears:

You might be interested in knowing that when Bella saw this picture she thought it was a rabbit. And now she is asking me why I'm dressed like a money bunny...


ps: I'm wearing a purple Toby Mac shirt, sweats, and pink slippers.

To Tattoo or Not to Tattoo?

If that is the question, the answer should be no. But I love tattoos. I love the stories behind tattoos. I admire people who are covered in them. I know exactly what tattoos I want, and I know exactly where I want them, and I would be happy with one if I did get one. But I can't decide if I want to get one.

I have a huge problem with commitment. It's amazing that I'm even married. I'm not afraid of commitment. I just change my mind a lot. I may decide I want a tattoo, and a month later decide I didn't want it. But then I'd be stuck with it. Forever (ok, for the purpose of dramatics in this post forget laser removal).

I wish I knew for sure if I wanted one.

Dear Aunt Flo,

I hate you. I normally don't mind you so much. You have given me peace of mind, whereas the absence of you causes fear that I may fail a certain exam involving urine. You have forgotten me when it comes to cramps and bloating. In fact, most of the time I hardly even know you are hanging around (which is the way an uninvited house guest ought to behave). But you have really done it this time.

I woke up today to find you knocking at my door. I hoped you would wait longer, but you found your way in. And my husband will be home tomorrow night. Of course you have complete disregard for any special plans we may have had to celebrate his arrival. I TOLD YOU he would be home soon. I asked you to plan for later. Don't you care how I feel?

Being around you has made me totally uncomfortable, and you need to leave now.

The Big Reveal

I have been a vegetarian for 50 days (ok, I did have a double quarter pounder for dinner yesterday. But I mean, I'm not really a vegetarian for ethics. I don't really have an actual reason for being a vegetarian. So I didn't feel too bad about it). Today I put on a bathing suit for the first time since I was pregnant. I rocked it.

Please excuse the fact that I am modeling on my toilet. I don't have a full-length mirror. Also excuse the fact that Bella is trying to push me off the toilet so she can model her new dress.

I'm still a bit big in the hips/thighs...but I'm a mom of two, the second which was born less than 8 months ago. I'm pretty happy with myself.

Ze Greatest Singer in ze World

I have spent the past hour singing Celine Dion's greatest hits from the 90's, using Bella's plastic "echo mic"

Why? You may ask. Because it is 1:30am, and I am home alone (well, semi-alone. I always feel alone when the kids are sleeping), and bored. So naturally, singing "I'm Your Lady" at the top of my lungs was the first thing I thought to do with my time...

The Morning Routine

I think if my life was a reality show (which I sometimes wish it were, just so every moment could be caught forever so I could always relive the good parts), I think people would get a kick out of the morning routine: Every morning, Bella wakes me up. She usually says something like "I'm hungry" or "mommy, I wanna watch cartoons." And I always turn on the cartoons in my room, and for some reason I always expect that she will stay in my room to watch cartoons so I can get another hour of sleep. But then I wake up, and she is not there.

At this point, the baby wakes up so I get him. He's crying because he's hungry. The cat starts meowing at me because he is hungry too. Bella isn't hungry. Bella is downstairs eating a whole package of cheese, and there is an empty box of cereal on the floor. The cereal is in a pile on her table...and also under the table. But Bella is thirsty. I shake my head, and I will clean the mess later. Right now I have a baby crying because he is hungry, a cat meowing because he is hungry, and Bella crying because I'm not getting her a drink fast enough. Why is the cat's meow so long? A pause button would be nice here. Or at least a mute button. It is loud.

But if this were a sitcom, this would be hilarious. A lot more hilarious than it may sound because I am a horrible narrator. I just know that every morning, when I should want to pull my hair out, I can't help but laugh hysterically.

I may just be embracing crazy.

Bella entertains the locals

I just needed to write

I'm not exactly sure where I want to go with the post, so I'll just keep writing and see where it takes me:

Today felt strange. I found out Blake Webb passed away. Now, I don't even remember Blake and I ever conversing, but we did sit at the same lunch table on a number of occasions and hung with the same crowd. In fact, we participated in the same conversations. Just never directly to each other. I remember going to Hunan with him and the football team one time. I remember thinking he and Justin Summit looked alike, with the blond hair and ruddy cheeks. And I remember facebook "stalking" him from time to time (really, I would just click on his page as I made the rounds through my friends), and thinking "hmm..I should really add him as a friend and say hi"...And just hours before I found out, I had a dream about everyone from high school, and he was in it. He played a small roll in the dream, all he did was walk by. But he was there. And now he isn't.

It's sad that it takes moments like this, a classmate, a friend, leaving for everyone to come together. Because I know all across my facebook status updates, everyone was feeling the same thing. Shock first, then sadness. The memories, however small or long ago, are there. And now everyone talks about how much they appreciate and loved him. I need to remind myself to appreciate, love, and thank everyone while they are still around. I need to remember to say hi before the chance is gone.

On another note, I am severely homesick. I just need to be back. I love it here in Japan. I'm having a lot of fun, experiencing a completely different culture, and enjoying it immensely. But it just feels like we need to be home. Brian is thinking about doing green to gold, and I pray it happens for us. He's in Australia right now, and I am incredibly lonely so I am sure that has something to do with it. I have a lot of friends out here already, but it's just not the same yet. I know it will take time. This is the first duty station we've been to where I didn't have a girlfriend or wife of one of my husband's current friends to become friends with, so it feels like there is more pressure to have people like me because no one is obligated to lol.

hmm...what else?

I'm pretty certain of the career path I want to choose. Of course, I have said that before. I think us going home will help me out a lot though. Good babysitters, real schools, I might actually get more done. Oh, speaking of getting more done, Coralyn said I should post this picture to let everyone know I finished my class:

I rearranged the living room, put up curtains, and cleaned because I suddenly have all the time in the world. I'm hoping I fill more of that time with hobbies, and not so much of it on Facebook!

You know, life can be sad and confusing. But even when I am feeling down, I just feel so completely blessed. All my faith is in God. I have no doubt that He is making a way to do great things through me. Even in my darkest hour, I will be filled with joy.