just sayin'

I'm suffering from bloggers block. I know, blogs are just for random musings. You don't really have to have anything to say, you just do it anyway. But I feel like I should have something of importance to speak on. Anything.


And yet, nothing.


"If you want to be a writer, you must always be writing." So since "Publish a novel" is on my bucket list, I must say something. Anything. Even if it's about nothing.

ho. hum.

I sat here for another hour plus minutes trying to enhance photos. This darn computer is getting the best of me. I don't think I can handle another crash, while there are CDs to burn. Crash, and burn! I think if it weren't for the frustration it's causing, I would have never had the guts to raise my prices. It's just not worth it to be stuck enhancing all day long without more compensation. So thank you, lousy computer.

Did I tell you we got another dog? His name is Charlie. We've had him for a whopping 3 days now, and already we are sending him back. I know. I know. But he bit Bella...twice. And he ate my shoe. And he jumped on the baby. Leo was already not a dog person, that just set him over the edge. Other than all of that, Charlie is a great dog. Potty trained! Loving. If he and Bella weren't having such a hard time together I would just pay the $70 for obedience school and we could deal with the jumping and sandal suppers. But those two just do not get along. She hits. He barks. She cries. He nibbles. She cries some more. I have the worst luck with dogs!

We're looking into shipping Fluffy here. To her motherland. I miss my baby. But I don't know if my dad is ready to give her up. He misses me.

It's 1am. B is in Hawaii, and I am totally jealous. I miss my friends. He did try to get tickets for us though, no luck. Thought that counts. He thinks a lot. Miss that fool.

A lot of missing going on right now.

"I did it overnight/it couldn't happen any quicker"

I just scheduled 2 more shoots for Bella Leo Photography- Ok, now I am apprehensive and just a little scared. I am booked every weekend from now until the end of July, and I have one session scheduled for August. It's all coming so fast, and I feel like I'm not really ready. I know I can do it, and I believe everyone who says I have a talent for this. But am I really good enough to be charging people right now?

When I doubt myself, Brian likes to say I'm fishing for compliments. I'll take them if anyone is giving them. But honestly I'm more looking for the constructive criticism. Someone who can tell me, "not your best work, try again." There is so much more to learn. Although Ruby said it best: "gotta start somewhere." I'm not going into this with all the knowledge I will gain on the other side.

The question still remains: good enough to charge? Can I honestly sell my photos to people and not feel bad about it? How much would you pay for an amateur photographer?

If we ever make it home forever

I have greatly appreciated my time away from "the Lope"- but Sacramento is still home. Always has been, always will be. I have dreams of travel to even further off countries- but I do want to settle down soon. And so much more so when I think of all the fresh produce I could be buying in California.

On the journey to perfect mothering in this day and age, I am bombarded with news articles, blogs, and emails mostly pertaining to one of my favorite subjects: Food! I have one email address solely devoted to "junk" mail containing recipes and food articles. Specifically the healthy stuff. The horror stories of how our food is raised, salmonella outbreaks and other contaminants are enough to push any mother to go organic. And it's precisely what I wish I could do.

The commissary is not my favorite place to get food, but it is the most convenient (especially considering the fact that we live in a foreign country). It takes so much work to go anywhere else. If I were home I would be able to read labels and know exactly what I was purchasing at the farmer's market. I would find someone raising chickens locally and purchase my eggs from them (or live in Elverta and have my own coop). I would have a vegetable garden and grow my own perfect big red tomatoes and delicious cucumbers. I am fed up with purchasing produce that rots the next day.

I used to not really care about the whole better food movement. I thought the moms who bought only organic were pretentious and self-righteous. And then I really started to pay attention to the food I was buying, and the money we wasted every week tossing vegetables. It seems it would be more worth a few trips to different local markets to make sure our bodies are getting the best.

So if we ever make it home forever...if we can buy our house and settle down, I want to start my vegetable garden knowing that we won't have to uproot along with the carrots. I want to find out "what's new at Denio's Farmers Market and Auction..." and I've always wanted to shop Whole Foods, Fresh & Easy, and Trader Joe's. I don't even know if Trader Joes specializes in natural foods, but it's a trip I'm willing to take.

Anything beats this crud from the commissary.

(I do love the military life though)

it's update time!

Whew, I'm back! Somehow my gmail account was hacked and spammed everybody, so gmail disabled the account. But I got it back so now I can blog!

Over the weekend I did my first two official shoots for Bella Leo Photography. I had a shoot for a dance class on Friday:

And Saturday I did a maternity shoot:

There are more pics on my website www.bellaleophotography.com

I've been getting a lot of emails requesting sessions, and I have quite a few booked already. I'm pretty excited.

And I now have a studio! After I switched Bella's room, I figured the playroom would also make a great room for the studio. It would work out perfectly for family pictures. While mom and dad get their pictures taken, the kids can hang out and watch a movie or play with the toys in there:

Right now I just have 2 pieces of fabric on a curtain rod (2 of each white and black). I'll be ordering some different colored muslins once I get more business. Sometime this week I'm getting my white fluffy fabric (perfect for baby photos). That room gets a lot of natural light and I have my external flash, but I'll be ordering umbrella lights soon as well!

I think the anxious feeling from my last post was just feeling like I wanted to get this done. It felt so good to have real clients again. I noticed today I'm a little antsy. I almost feel like I need to be taking pictures. I'm addicted. That's one reason why my prices are so low; it's not about the money for me. I have to charge so I can keep upgrading my equipment. But I simply do this because I love it.

It has come to my attention....

My photos in the last post may or may not have been showing up for some people. So they are reposted if you care to revisit.

Thanks Crotchie.

Tik Tok (ps: sooooo NOT a Ke$ha fan)

Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a state of limbo, and almost like there is this clock ticking for something. I'm just trying hard to figure out what. It feels sort of like it has to do with leaving Okinawa, but I may just be attaching the feeling to anything to make sense out of it. Brian has a few options that would cause us to move. But either of those options would keep us here for at least another year.

I do like it here a lot; There is just that subconscious clock ticking, and whatever it's for I want to make sure that I am doing the most I can with my time. I want to get as much education as I can, make my family as happy as they can be, and serve the Lord in whatever way he needs me to. I feel like there is so much to do, and it's hard to do everything while we are living in Okinawa. I'm sure I'll figure it out. I've just never been one to wait very long. Maybe it's a test.

Well today I had to do SOMETHING. I'm getting really bored and it's hard to wait...Seriously, I don't think I really got the feeling across very well. It's just this really strong urge to get things done before time is up. So today, I rearranged all the bedrooms to keep myself distracted. Bella hasn't been going to bed right away lately. She turns on a movie, takes out all her toys, and plays dress up with her clothes. This is what her room looked like today (and actually right now, but after everything else I've done this afternoon, I need to save one project for tomorrow):

Except there was a bed in the corner on the right, but I didn't think to take before and after pics until I had already moved it into the other room. So all I have are afters:

 Hard to see, sorry. She was playing with the blinds before she finally decided to take her nap, and I didn't want to mess with the lighting because I was worried she would wake up. That TV in the corner doesn't work at the moment, and I will be getting rid of it. I just ran out of strength to get it out of the room. And on the other side:

Leo's playpen has been strategically placed in front of the closet so she won't try to pull everything out. That's our junk closet, and I really don't want to see what kind of disaster she can mix up with whatever is in there.

I also rearranged the master bedroom:

Little People Big World marathon!

It has been getting really hot at night, so I moved our bed under the a/c, which meant I had to move the dresser across the room so it would all flow together nicely. The dresser was by the bathroom door (where the nightstand and laundry baskets are now) and the bed was centered against the cement wall you can see in the top photo. Excuse the fact that the blue/brown pillows don't really match the comforter all that well. I bought the blue/brown bedset like 2 months ago and then found that white one last week and fell in love with it. But I knew Brian would be upset about it, so I thought of him and didn't buy new pillowcases or the matching throw pillows right away :)

I don't know what else to do at this moment. I thought about signing up for another class, but Bella has soccer coming up next month. I don't know how much of my time that will take, and I don't want either thing to be neglected in the slightest. It's hard for me to multitask because I like to give my all completely to a project. It needs to be one big thing at a time.

So I'll wait, maybe rearrange more furniture. Or get all creative and artistic and start taking pictures of random objects to hang on my walls. I do have FIVE photo shoots coming up between now and the end of July. I'm sure that will keep me pretty busy.

mmmmmm dooooughnuuuuts

Muskrat Baby

Bella and I always have the most interesting conversations at the breakfast table. Today's went like this:

Bella: "Mommy, why are you dressed like a muskrat?"
Me: *blank stare* ???

In case you have never seen one before, this is what a muskrat wears:

You might be interested in knowing that when Bella saw this picture she thought it was a rabbit. And now she is asking me why I'm dressed like a money bunny...


ps: I'm wearing a purple Toby Mac shirt, sweats, and pink slippers.

To Tattoo or Not to Tattoo?

If that is the question, the answer should be no. But I love tattoos. I love the stories behind tattoos. I admire people who are covered in them. I know exactly what tattoos I want, and I know exactly where I want them, and I would be happy with one if I did get one. But I can't decide if I want to get one.

I have a huge problem with commitment. It's amazing that I'm even married. I'm not afraid of commitment. I just change my mind a lot. I may decide I want a tattoo, and a month later decide I didn't want it. But then I'd be stuck with it. Forever (ok, for the purpose of dramatics in this post forget laser removal).

I wish I knew for sure if I wanted one.

Dear Aunt Flo,

I hate you. I normally don't mind you so much. You have given me peace of mind, whereas the absence of you causes fear that I may fail a certain exam involving urine. You have forgotten me when it comes to cramps and bloating. In fact, most of the time I hardly even know you are hanging around (which is the way an uninvited house guest ought to behave). But you have really done it this time.

I woke up today to find you knocking at my door. I hoped you would wait longer, but you found your way in. And my husband will be home tomorrow night. Of course you have complete disregard for any special plans we may have had to celebrate his arrival. I TOLD YOU he would be home soon. I asked you to plan for later. Don't you care how I feel?

Being around you has made me totally uncomfortable, and you need to leave now.