The Discrimination of Guinness

For years now I have been planning on claiming a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for most elbow licks in 1 minute. I figured it would be a fairly simple gain since licking your elbow is supposed to be impossible (although I do know one person other than me who can do it as well). So I logged onto the website to find out how. I was imagining simple fame. I decided, even if I never go back to school and graduate with multiple degrees in law and medicine my family can still be proud of me. I might never cure cancer, but I could set a world record.

I went through all the trouble of filling out my information (wondered if the site was legit as there were many words misspelled, then realized Guinness is based in London and figured they must spell more words than "colour" different) and verified my email address to register with the site.

The next step was to a page asking "is it a record?" where I would decide that my proposed record was based on the fact that I "possess a unique talent or are the only person to be able to do something." Upon clicking that link, I was brought to this:

All our world records are based on a quantifiable element, such as speed, length, monetary value, etc. However, uniqueness is not something that can be quantified and for this reason having a unique talent is not in itself a record. However, if your talent is interesting or exciting and can be easily quantified in some way, we may consider it for recognition in a new world record category.

Similarly, the fact that you are the only person to do something, or to have done something, is not a record in itself. A record is, by definition, an achievement that can be exceeded or broken. However, if you are the only person who is able to do something it is impossible for someone else to challenge (i.e. break) your achievement.

Examples of proposals we do not accept:
Elbow licking
Staring at the sun
Double jointed fingers

Wouldn't that be the case? So now I will never cure cancer, and I will never set a world record recognized by Guinness for most elbow licks. I'm a big fat failure.

The Blue-Poop Monster

I think for a moment to just toss the linen and purchase a whole new set. But no- It's brand new. My mom was the type to throw out everything that was "destroyed" because she was too pessimistic to believe cleaning actually worked. Or perhaps with four kids and a full time job, she was just too overwhelmed to believe in solutions. In any case, I refuse to let go of a perfectly good sheet set before exhausting all my options. I will go broke finding a stain-removal product that actually works. I will spray until my trigger finger goes numb. I will wash and rewash, and rewash again in the hopes that this will be the cycle to erase the blue oil pastel from my brand new white damask comforter.

And then I spot the feces.

It seems the suspect climbed out of her playpen and knocked everything off the dresser on her way to the laundry basket which she apparently crawled over to reach the oil pastels. At this point, I assume, she ate the tips of every color (leaving bite marks as evidence) before pooping in the corner. It is unclear if she then carried some of the droppings with her and placed them by the dresser, or if she just took another dump near it. The trail ends in the bathroom where the lid of my toilet is now a work of blue pastel art.

I go to work, first cleaning up the poop before Fluffy makes a snack out of it. Next I soak the bedding in Spray n Wash and say a few prayers for it before starting the washing machine. When it's cycle ends I will know that God was listening; my sheets are fine. Lysol worked well enough to clean the majority of the pastel off the toilet, but months later there is still one stubborn blue streak serving as a reminder of this event.

It is obvious I need to find a new place for nap time. An empty room, or better yet Fluffy's kennel. Some place my little darling can't climb out of or do any damage to. "Monkey-Bear" has definitely been a fitting nickname thus far.

not working ever again would be great too

Things should be getting back to normal fairly soon. Brian has a flight in on the 21st. Jaycee has a flight out on the 27th (I think...could be the 28th or 29th). I'm back at work as of today (blah). I've had a nice couple weeks off, but not working ever again would be great too.

Crotchie is here now. We've been to hooters, the movies (Pineapple Express), the beach, the base, and all over Hawaii in search of the Army Wives season 1 box set (if you are looking, apparently the NEX is the only place that carries it).



I netflixed the first season, but we only got the first disk in which was only about 4 episodes and it ended in a bit of a cliffhanger. I will spare most of the details, but basically that night we ran all over trying to find it on dvd and got nothing. We downloaded the next episode on itunes to get our fix, and then couldn't get the rest on dvd until the next night. And after we finished all of those we downloaded all the episodes available on itunes and we are attempting to get caught up before the new episode on Sunday.

I thought my life was more exciting this week, but I really have nothing else to say =)

premio survey

2008 Premio Award Rules:
1. When received, you may post the premio to your blog.
2. Link to the blogger you received it from.
3. Give it to 7 blogs
4. Link to those 7 blogs
5. Leave those seven bloggers a comment about receiving the brilliant premio.


So Audrey (quite possibly the only person interested in my blog...) has tagged me. Here goes, for her and anyone else who reads:


A. attached or single?
Attached.

B. best friend?
Fluffy.

C. cake or pie?
Pie.

D. day of choice?
Tuesday, because if I don't have work it is probably the slowest day at the beach which means better chance of finding parking.

E. essential item?
Chapstick.

F. favorite color?
Green.

G. gummy bears or worms?
Worms.

H. hometown?
Sacramento/Antelope, CA

I. favorite indulgence?
Spa days.

J. january or july?
January.

K. kids?
Isabella Krystel.

L. life isn't complete without?
Laughter.

M. marriage date?
March 18, 2006

N. number of brothers & sisters?
Three sisters and a brother (but I've never met him).

O. oranges or apples?
Oranges (Audrey, they make orange peelers...much less hassle)

P. phobias?
Flies. I hate flies. And the usual, heights, small spaces, dying (just afraid of how and when, not about what happens after).

Q. quotes?
"Things may get harder before they get better, but we are stronger than we know"
-Arnold Schwarzenegger

R. reasons to smile?
Bella's smile makes me smile.

S. season of choice?
Winter. After two years in Hawaii, I am so over summer.

T. tag five peeps!
I don't know that many bloggers...

U. unknown fact about me?
I'm an open book.

V. vegetable?
Green beens.

W. worst habits?
Popping pimples that don't belong to me.

X. x-ray or ultrasound?
Ultrasound.

Y. your favorite food?
Baja Beef Chalupa from Taco Bell tops the list.

Z. zodiac sign?
Leo.

I tag:
I know I'm breaking rules here, but no tagging for me. How about, if you read this and you have a blog, send me your link in my comments and tag yourself.

I swear I am not a nerd, I just need something to pass the time

Today we went to the water park. Jeramiah's kids turned 1 and 3 in December and February, but I guess he was gone for their birthdays so they had a party for the 2 of them today. They payed for everyone to get in, and the park provided food (traditional Hawaiian pulled pork, fried chicken, rice and noodles). The sun was out, but by the time we decided to get in the water it went away.

The water was cold, and Bella didn't enjoy it too much. But I took her down a little water slide and jumped around in the water with her and she started to enjoy it a bit more. Then we took her in the lazy river. She liked it until she got splashed by the waterfall.

I finally got my Urban Outfitters order in the mail. I love the clothes and I can't wait to have something to do so I can wear them. They aren't anything fancy, but I don't want to just lounge around the house in them. I got a comfy dress, some white linen shorts, and this really nice purple top.

Jane Austen Book Club also came in the mail from netflix. I wasn't expecting a masterpiece at all, so I wasn't surprised it wasn't that great a movie. But it was cute, and it was inspiring. It really made me want to start reading Jane Austen books, because honestly the closest I have gotten to a story by one of the best-loved writers in British literature was an episode of Wishbone in which they re-enacted Pride and Prejudice. After watching the movie, I decided her novels may have more to relay to me now. Especially since I might be majoring in English when I start school.

And did I mention I am starting school? I forget if my last post mentioned it, but I applied to Chaminade University. I will be taking classes on the military base here so I don't have to drive downtown. Right now I am just waiting for my transcript to come from Sierra so I can start registering for classes. I want to go for the Bachelor's in English, but at this point I think I might just do an AA in Liberal Arts to get my general ed out of the way, and then later I might have a better idea of what I want to do with my life and I can continue for my Bachelor degree.

I am completely exhausted from the water park adventure, and my eyes are tired from the hours I have wasted at the computer leveling up my WOW characters (I swear I am not a nerd, I just need something to pass the time), so I think I am due for a nap. Just getting in my random update.

I was going to do a Yo Gabba Gabba theme, but I thought a DJ Lance cake would be a little scary

It seems so much has happened since my last post, yet I can't think of everything. I know Brian came home, and at some point during that week Ruby, Nina, Bella, and I had a beach day. It was the first time I could let Bella crawl around in the sand without worrying about her eating it. She had fun exfoliating my feet with it instead. Bringing her to the beach is definitely a lot more enjoyable now.


Her 1st birthday is on the 19th. The Saturday after her birthday we are having the Blue's Clues party. I was going to do a Yo Gabba Gabba theme, but I thought a DJ Lance cake would be a little scary.

Yesterday was my first official celebrated Valentine's Day. Last year Brian had to work, the year before that he was in Afghanistan. So this year we dressed up and I made a big dinner; Baked chicken parmesean served over capellini, a side salad, and we had wings and celery sticks for an appetizer. I made strawberry shortcake and chocolate covered strawberries for desert, and we drank a whole bottle of wine (I know I said I would never drink again in my life, but the wine was so good). I was so out of it last night, but I felt fine this morning. Didn't want to puke my guts out or anything.

I got Brian a heart-shaped basket and filled it with valentine m&ms, cookies from the Cookie Corner, Smarties, and a stuffed animal. And he got cards from both me and Bella.

Today we are heading to Bellows for a weekend camping trip. I am excited as I've been wanting to go since my birthday. But I have so much to do to prepare. We have all kinds of food to remember to take, I want to get all the laundry done so I won't have too much to wash when we come home, and Brian's mom flies in the day we come back from camping so I want to get everything clean now in case I don't have time before then.

If he were here I would cook, but it's hard enough cooking for two. How in the world do I cook for one?

If there is one thing I miss most of all it's making new memories with old friends. I have had so much fun this weekend, however I can't help but think of what it would be like if I had a big group of close friends around me to spend time with.

Of course I have Ruby, and now Nina. And they are both wonderful. But you know what it's like when you have that big group of friends to go out with. Anyway, this isn't to be a brooding blog so I won't go much further. We do have fun with the friends we do have. All I am saying is a bit of variety would be nice.

My mom surprised me on Friday by asking if she could fly out on Saturday. She was going to wait until March, but the tickets were more expensive then. So she and Jaycee flew out Saturday afternoon before Brian had to fly to Florida.

We went to the Dole Plantation on Sunday, following Ruby and Gabe's Superbowl party. We took a ride on the Pineapple Express and had pineapple ice cream. Monday we went to Sea Life Park and played with dolphins. We actually got to go in the water with them, give them kisses, dance with them, and signal them to perform tricks for us. It was an amazing experience. I think I want to go back for my birthday and do the one where you swim with them.

They left this morning, and although it was nice having them here and wonderful spending time with them, it was also not what I am used to. I am used to having a somewhat more peaceful and relaxed household and my quiet home was interrupted with their hectic lifestyle. My mom was determined to keep her schedule, so she woke up at 4 every morning. And it was just too loud. But I did enjoy the company.

Brian won't be home until Saturday. I miss him, and can't wait to have him back. This is my first time alone. I'm appreciative of this opportunity because I never have been alone. But at the same time it is just lonely. And I don't know what to eat. If he were here I would cook, but it's hard enough cooking for two. How in the world do I cook for one?

It is Super Tuesday. I have never voted, and obviously can't vote in the primary since I'm not registered. But I have been contemplating registering to vote this year. I never thought about it, but I am tired of falling among the uninformed Americans. So I did some research, and decided if I am to vote, I will vote for Huckabee. I agree with his stance on most of the issues, plus it would be awesome to rep for him with an i heart huckabee bumper sticker or something ;)

Ruby spiked my drinks. I refuse to ever have alcohol again in my life

I really don't feel like doing anything today. But I have a house to be cleaned, and a prescription to pick up (since I put in the order 2 weeks ago and still haven't gone over there).

I checked out a new church yesterday and loved it. Can't wait for next week.

We went to Dan and Letti's for a goodbye/cleaning out the fridge dinner. Ruby spiked my drinks. I refuse to ever have alcohol again in my life.

Other than that, pretty uneventful weekend.

note to self: the cheeseburger is not that great. Stick with the tuna melt...

I finally made it to the Dole Plantation. We were only there long enough to eat the pineapple sorbet and browse the gift shop though, so hopefully someday we will go again so I can ride the Pineapple Express and tour the maze.

Today was actually pretty boring. We did the pineapple thing, and then went to Jameson's for lunch (note to self: the cheeseburger is not that great. Stick with the tuna melt). After that we just went home so Brian could continue his Call of Duty 4 obsession, and I could...well...I had nothing to do.

Since I've been in housewife mode, everything is always done. It's a nice feeling to not have anything to worry about, but it would feel better if I had more to do. I think I might make beach trips a daily thing.

In other news, I'm down to a whopping 122lbs. Thank God. I've been holding off on fast food since coming back from CA (or at least as far as I can remember). Today I almost gave in and had Taco Bell while Brian was at the gym. But I decided to vacuum instead, and it held off my craving until he came home. I didn't feel like cooking tonight, so I'm eating breakfast for dinner. It feels a lot better than 2 Baja Beef Chalupas (although those taste better than Honey Nut Cheerios and a blueberry bagel).

I started jogging "around the block" (in quotes because my version of around the block differs from Brian's), and I feel really good about myself. I've decided there will always be areas that I can improve on, but life would be so much less interesting if I was perfect.

I feel a need to find something new for people to celebrate...

Every time I am in the mood to blog and I have a moment, it is quickly interrupted. I swear I've been at this like 3 times today at least. But Fluffy wanted to bark at strangers and wake Bella up from her nap. Luckily we had a busy day today, so she is still pretty tired and went back to sleep almost as fast as she woke up.

This has actually been a pretty busy week. I was worried about not getting anything done as far as cleaning/unpacking into this new abode. But I kicked my butt into gear and got the whole place clean (with the exception of Bella's room which is being used as temporary storage until the supposed garage sale). It's been spotless for close to a week now, which I think is a record by some standard.

Ruby graduated, so we attended her pinning ceremony and graduation this week. It reaffirmed my longing to go to school. I don't know if it's so much my thirst for knowledge as it is my desire to accomplish something. And yes I know I am married and I have a baby and I have been able to travel. I have accomplished everything I wanted to do despite all of the negative feedback I received in the beginning.

But now that the dust has settled and everyone is proud of me, I feel a need to find something new for people to celebrate. And I don't want it to be easy. I want it to be something that I actually have to work for, as I don't feel I ever got that chance. Most of the things I have wanted in my life have just been handed to me.

But enough of that.

Another accomplishment was celebrated today. Brian has been promoted to Staff Sergeant. He gave a nice speech thanking me for my part in supporting him (read: taking care of that "crying all the time baby" while he worked 12hr shifts), and said he was doing everything for me and Bella so we could have a good life. And life is good.

After the promotion ceremony we went to Bellow's. It was a windy/chilly beach day but I really loved being there. And the drive over and back was beautiful. Mountains all over, some with visible waterfalls. It made me appreciate Hawaii so much more.

Yesterday I got bored so I drove down to the beach with Bella. We put our feet in the water and just sat out for a bit. I'm so thankful that I can go to the beach in the middle of winter.